Book Club / Writing

why did you only tell me?

I told myself
I knew what I was getting into. 

I never thought you’d be different
Never gave you that much credit.

But with each passing day
The constant exchanges
Your face on my screen
Then in my bed
Then in my mind

The idea of you was blindsiding. 
It filled me like a meal.

Maybe I would be the first person you could love
Maybe that made me loveable
If you saw more than my body
I’d exist again.

I kept getting told
The rolling eyes
Shaking heads
The silly girl about to get hurt.

But my gut couldn’t be that mislead
Why would someone choose to lie
When the person opposite
Could handle even the worst reality.
She had already. 

So when we laid there, 

The clock hand teetering around two
My hand tracing the ray of sun
That brought you back to life.

Your hand placed over my hip
Pulling me closer
Tracing the line of my body
Your lips pressed on mine

I let my mind slip and fall.

And when it did
You rushed to dress
left with a quick embrace 
and flew into the wind. 

If it was a dream
My imagination up to its old tricks
Why did you only tell me?

The idea of you was blindsiding.

It filled me like a meal.